New Years Eve Anxiety

Stop making it seem like I am going to have a magical evening, MY LIFE ISN'T A MOVIE LIKE YOU ZAC EFRON!

We’re only a few days away from one of the most over-hyped days of the year, New Years Eve. What a spectacle this evening is. Every year people plan for months in advance the festivities of the evening, as if it were to be a wedding, where as it usually ends up like your family friends bris (under-whelming with surges of pain through your penis).  I rarely am ever in town for New Years and the years I have been I have been in an age of minority. But now at the tender age of 20, home for the holidays, having to make plans for myself,  the New Years Eve anxiety has kicked in and I have as many problems as there are characters in the movie New Years Eve starring Halle Berry, Jessica Biel, Jon Bon Jovi, Abigail Breslin, Robert De Niro, Josh Duhamel, Zac Efron, Katherine Heigl, Ashton Kutcher, Seth Meyers, Lea Michele, Sarah Jessica Parker, Michelle Pfeiffer, Hilary Swank, Sofía Vergara, Common, Ludacris, and Russel Peters.

Stop making it seem like I am going to have a magical evening, MY LIFE ISN'T A MOVIE LIKE YOU ZAC EFRON!

Stop making it seem like I am going to have a magical evening, MY LIFE ISN’T A MOVIE LIKE YOU ZAC EFRON!

The Dilemmas:

1. Who am I going to spend New Years with? According to one friend, If I was a good son I would probably consider a nice evening with my parents, but they’re pretty sick of me so I think I’ll give them the night off. No, New Years must be spent with friends, but which ones? Because I have always had a problem with indecisiveness, I don’t have a singular group of friends but more so a pool of friends, all of whom are not friends with each other.  I really fucked up the friend making thing in my younger years(but that’s for another blog). I need 1-2 people to be open to anything, willing to spend money and alleviate the cost of an adventure.

The saddest looking group of friends ever.

The saddest looking group of friends ever.

2. Where am I taking my sweet ass? Because I am naive to life, I didn’t know I had to buy an $80 ticket to a club, not that I want to go to a club, but really what else is there to do? Ideally, I would love to dress up in fine formal wear and go to an acquaintances rooftop loft and have an elegant evening with a platonic female friend who will later become the romance of my life, but sadly I don’t live in the plotline of When Harry Met Sally, so that is off the table. If you know of any cool events, please inform me, actually though, I’m getting desperate.

get some air

10…9…8…”Wanna get some air?”

3. Who will I kiss? Let’s face it, that’s the big question and pressure of the night, there needs to be a kiss to call the night a success. You people can lie to yourselves all you want, I know you are face-stalking the hell out of people to choose ideal candidates for the first kiss of the new year. If someone of the opposite sex communicates with you within a 3 day radius of New Years, you know it’s on for the midnight make out. Now is the perfect time to bust Tinder open and get those fingers a swiping, I won’t judge you, but you should probably make your New Year’s resolution to uninstall Tinder.

4. Set a New Year’s Resolution.  I always set one and can never remember it for the life of me. I am pretty sure my 2013 resolution was to get in shape. Well, I am still a shape, its long and lanky, so, somewhat achieved? You have to set the goal on New Year’s, or else it doesn’t encapsulate the magic-this is a known life fact. I’m stuck between “have a romantic life that doesn’t consist of me being single and just watching every rom-com and reading every young adult novel” and “grow bangs.” Fucking New Years eve, so many difficulties.

Bangs...Probably the better option

Bangs…Probably the better option

With only days to go, I don’t think I am going to make it to the big event, I may take 8 melatonin and sleep the whole night just so I won’t feel the sadness of being underwhelmed come January 1st.

What are your big New Years Plans…or Who is your big New Years plans?



Say Hello To My Little Scarf


Tomorrow is the scariest day of the year- Halloween. Like New years, I think Halloween is a time for us to sit back, reflect, and look forward. On New Year’s we contemplate our year past and set goals for the new one. On Halloween we think of our deepest fears, the old and new ones that will creep up on us between now and a year’s time.

Many people fear death, spiders, clowns- to name a few. I, like everyone, have fears that are akin to the masses. But for the last few weeks I have had a larger, warmer, fashionable fear: scarves.

Scary Scarf

I don’t know if it is the scarf itself, or the idea of becoming a guy that wears a scarf that scares me. Possibly both. But the fear is becoming more prevalent in my mind, and I may be going down a path there is no returning from.

Whether we like it or not, the cold weather is upon us. I know this not because I am a meteorologist, but because I can feel it in my bones. As I walk down the street every morning the coldness seeps into my nipples, tickles my neck, and intrudes my nostrils. An idea has been rolling around in my head for a while. The idea that I could…maybe should…even need to get a scarf.
I’m not speaking one of those flimsy scarves you wear indoors. I can’t cross that line. Although I have begun to embrace some hipster tendencies, I need to stop at a certain point, and I think an indoor scarf is pushing boundaries I am not prepared to go beyond…yet. I am speaking of a purely outdoor, heat inducing scarf.

This seems useful

The issue is scarves are also for style and speak a lot to the wearer. In my eyes it takes confidence to pull off a scarf. Confidence I am afraid I may not possess. Yesterday I went to H&M and attempted to put on some scarves. My scarf shopping companions picked some out for me, even wrapped them around my neck in different shapes and knots. Despite being told it looked good, which I obviously knew it did, it didn’t feel good. So many thoughts entered my head. Besides the style factor, there are many other issues. How many would I need? Do all scarves go with all outfits? What do I do with it once I am inside?

Gosling in a Scarf

As I looked in the mirror I saw a version of myself I was scared to embrace. Scarf Sam. Who is this Scarf Sam? What does he enjoy? What does he stand for? I don’t know. All I knew was that Scarf Sam scared me. I decided to hold off on the purchase of a scarf…for now.

As Halloween dawns on us, I reflect back on my shop scarfing experience. Fear surges down my spine at the thought of my neck wrapped with a fashionable winter accessory. I was told “once scarf is worn, prepare for the scorn.” These words haunt my every thought. The weather grows cold, my neck yearns for warmth. Yet, I am unable to take the leap from regular Sam to scarf Sam. Outdoor scarves are the gateway scarf to indoor scarves. People always say a scarf is not addictive or habit-forming, but that’s what they always say about apparel.

Similar to Al Pacino in the movie SCARFACE I seem to be quickly changing from an everyman to a monster. Guided by my rise to power and fame, my style and character have been quickly changing. I am close to becoming the unimaginable- a man in a scarf. I see my future now. I am in my hipster paradise playing an indie-rock bands Vinyl on my record player as I eat prosciutto and thickly sliced cheese. I sit there in my indoor scarf. Soon I am surrounded by intruders, looking to take me down for my elegant scarf wearing ways. I prepare for the attack. I run to my scarf closet and once my enemies enter the small metro area apartment I yell “say hello to my little scarf!” As SCARFFACE I shower them with scarves of all sizes and colours, strangling them until their necks are warm with silk, wool, and cotton.

Once you wear a scarf, you always wear a scarf, even when you’re not wearing a scarf.


Read my last blog Ping Me Baby One More Time