Yesterday, while perusing the internet for knowledge(not hoes) I came across an article on a website that I definitely don’t frequent called “Betches Love This.” If you don’t know what that site is about(neither do I, because obviously I would never read a site called “Betches Love This” because I’m a guy) it’s basically an episode of HBO Girls in blog form(I also would never watch HBO Girls because I am a straight male, so I’m just assuming).The article, is a letter penned to “Guys Who Invite Me Over to Watch a Movie.” The gist of the letter is, guys invite girls over to watch a movie because their main intention is to get down and dirty, and don’t even plan on watching the movie. My response:
Dear Girls who think I am inviting them over to watch a movie only to get in their pants.
Obviously, if I want to spend time with you romantically, I want to get in or near your pants….eventually! Even Noah Callhoun wants to get in Allies pants the second he meets her, does that take away from the amazing romantic guy he is? Come on, a movie date has been a staple in dating history since…ever. You know that famous romantic movie that everyone loves? I think it’s called Annie Hall. Well, in that pretty famous romantic movie, the main characters Alvy and Annie go on a date…to a movie! Even in movies the characters go on dates to the movies. Now you’re going to say “Yeah he took her out! You’re just being lazy and cheap by making the girl watch a movie at your house!” To that I say; you think I’m being lazy and not putting in effort by inviting you over for a movie? How do you know I don’t know your taste in movies and spent a lot of time researching, scouring movie lists to find a film that you will love? Did you ever stop to wonder that I put on that great movie by that acclaimed female director because I knew that was your sort of thing? THAT’S RIGHT YOU DIDN’T! Because you thought I was being lazy and didn’t even give me the opportunity!
You say you can’t get to know someone by watching a movie with them? Don’t you think we could talk at length after the movie about our opinions and thoughts, and then turn that conversation into something even grander than the both of us and have a moment in which we could be truly infinite?! No, you didn’t think that way because you were so stuck up and didn’t think I would watch 12 Years a Slave with you. Well guess what, I would. I would watch whatever you wanted, whatever made you happy, because if I am inviting you over for a movie, it means more than I want to bone, it means I WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU! I would love to take you out on a fun date! In fact I have a self-made list of fantastic date ideas that I hope I can someday use(because they would be really fun). But every once in a while(every day) I just want to watch a movie! Why can’t you share that joy with me?
Then, you complain that we have to watch it on my laptop? I’m sorry that I live with my parents because I am a student, and that I don’t just take over the house and stop them from using their nice TV so I can watch what I want. I am mindful of my surroundings and therefore, am stuck watching on my laptop. SORRY that I couldn’t offer you the finest of screens! If you give me the chance of longevity, instead of a nice white house on the lake, I will build you a movie theatre of luxury, just so we can watch movies together(I will take carpentry classes first).
So next time betches, if a guy invites you over for a movie, and he invites you over before the time of 9:00 PM, he might be more than just some “Guy Who Invites You Over to ‘Watch a Movie.'” He might be a guy that invites you over to spend time with you….and watch a movie.
Stop being awful,
The Guys who actually love movies.