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New Years Eve Anxiety

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We’re only a few days away from one of the most over-hyped days of the year, New Years Eve. What a spectacle this evening is. Every year people plan for months in advance the festivities of the evening, as if it were to be a wedding, where as it usually ends up like your family friends bris (under-whelming with surges of pain through your penis).  I rarely am ever in town for New Years and the years I have been I have been in an age of minority. But now at the tender age of 20, home for the holidays, having to make plans for myself,  the New Years Eve anxiety has kicked in and I have as many problems as there are characters in the movie New Years Eve starring Halle Berry, Jessica Biel, Jon Bon Jovi, Abigail Breslin, Robert De Niro, Josh Duhamel, Zac Efron, Katherine Heigl, Ashton Kutcher, Seth Meyers, Lea Michele, Sarah Jessica Parker, Michelle Pfeiffer, Hilary Swank, Sofía Vergara, Common, Ludacris, and Russel Peters.

Stop making it seem like I am going to have a magical evening, MY LIFE ISN'T A MOVIE LIKE YOU ZAC EFRON!

Stop making it seem like I am going to have a magical evening, MY LIFE ISN’T A MOVIE LIKE YOU ZAC EFRON!

The Dilemmas:

1. Who am I going to spend New Years with? According to one friend, If I was a good son I would probably consider a nice evening with my parents, but they’re pretty sick of me so I think I’ll give them the night off. No, New Years must be spent with friends, but which ones? Because I have always had a problem with indecisiveness, I don’t have a singular group of friends but more so a pool of friends, all of whom are not friends with each other.  I really fucked up the friend making thing in my younger years(but that’s for another blog). I need 1-2 people to be open to anything, willing to spend money and alleviate the cost of an adventure.

The saddest looking group of friends ever.

The saddest looking group of friends ever.

2. Where am I taking my sweet ass? Because I am naive to life, I didn’t know I had to buy an $80 ticket to a club, not that I want to go to a club, but really what else is there to do? Ideally, I would love to dress up in fine formal wear and go to an acquaintances rooftop loft and have an elegant evening with a platonic female friend who will later become the romance of my life, but sadly I don’t live in the plotline of When Harry Met Sally, so that is off the table. If you know of any cool events, please inform me, actually though, I’m getting desperate.

get some air

10…9…8…”Wanna get some air?”

3. Who will I kiss? Let’s face it, that’s the big question and pressure of the night, there needs to be a kiss to call the night a success. You people can lie to yourselves all you want, I know you are face-stalking the hell out of people to choose ideal candidates for the first kiss of the new year. If someone of the opposite sex communicates with you within a 3 day radius of New Years, you know it’s on for the midnight make out. Now is the perfect time to bust Tinder open and get those fingers a swiping, I won’t judge you, but you should probably make your New Year’s resolution to uninstall Tinder.

4. Set a New Year’s Resolution.  I always set one and can never remember it for the life of me. I am pretty sure my 2013 resolution was to get in shape. Well, I am still a shape, its long and lanky, so, somewhat achieved? You have to set the goal on New Year’s, or else it doesn’t encapsulate the magic-this is a known life fact. I’m stuck between “have a romantic life that doesn’t consist of me being single and just watching every rom-com and reading every young adult novel” and “grow bangs.” Fucking New Years eve, so many difficulties.

Bangs...Probably the better option

Bangs…Probably the better option

With only days to go, I don’t think I am going to make it to the big event, I may take 8 melatonin and sleep the whole night just so I won’t feel the sadness of being underwhelmed come January 1st.

What are your big New Years Plans…or Who is your big New Years plans?

 

Sam Berns

Sam Berns